Monday, April 7, 2014

Dating 101

Lets be honest, dating is messy.
It's AWKWARD and filled with false pretenses.
People trying to make themselves desirable and
others fighting to be themselves and being let down over and over again.

When you add certain different expectations and rules about dating,
how are we ever supposed to make it happen?

Don't get me wrong, people don't always want to fall in love.
Dating can be fun and casual. In the best way.
You might even make good and lasting friendships out of dates gone wrong.
But don't we all wish to find someone to share our lives with? Eventually.

I love being single. Free.
After being in a long relationship, that's all you want.
To re-invent yourself and find new things.

But there's always this little hint of loneliness
after you watch a late night movie and go to bed alone.
I don't know about you, but I can't seem to shake it off.
And I'm definitely not a relationship person.
Right now I'm not even looking around to see if there's anyone out there for me.
But I do have that itch to be noticed by someone - to really be seen.

And I have a secret to share. I've never really been on a date.
Like, what I'd count as a DATE.
Sure I've had coffee, even a bite to eat.
And randomly invited people over for a chill-sesh and watched plenty of movies.
When does it become a date though? I have no clue.

And then there's the things you expect from a date,
that might not match what the other person has in mind.
Like, should people have sex on the first date?
OR will it just screw up the whole dating aspect of the relationship?
Can a lunch count as a date OR does it have to be dinner?

How the fuck are we supposed to know what to think?
Are we just gonna have to be more clear when we ask people out?

"Hey wanna go see a movie sometime? Oh, and it would be a DATE."
As if asking people out wouldn't be uncomfortable enough already.

I decided it's time to ask the audience what they think about this.
And see if gender makes any difference.
I asked people to answer 7 profound questions about dating.
Also, I simplified the answers a bit and fused together the similar ones.

Describe the perfect first date?

• A nice dinner, but in an imaginative setting, something that makes it unique.
• Not awkward? Maybe doing something together, that either one hasn't done yet.
• The man should pick me up and take me for a surprise date. There should always be food. 
• Having dinner and going for drinks after, then maybe a nice walk before heading home.

• Just walking around the city, maybe a park, looking at things and talking without a hurry.
• Going to a quiet place where you can relax,
   maybe opening a nice bottle of wine and putting on some music.
   Then just talking and getting to know each other without distractions.
• Tandem-parachuting or something else that's not so mainstream.
• I like traditional dates, candle light dinners and such.

Who pays for the date?

• I think people should split the bill.
• The one who asks the other out, should pay the bill.

• People should discuss it before the date takes place to avoid any confusion.
• 50/50 unless the other person forgets their wallet or something,
• The man always pays. Unless it's the woman who asked the guy out,
   then you can split the bill. A man always wants to pay for their own share.

What time would you like the date to start and does the day of the week matter?

• From Thu-Sun and late afternoon or evening.
  The beginning of the week is always too stressful for a date.
• During the week dates should start earlier
   but during the weekends they can start as late as 10 pm.
• Six-ish? And preferably during the weekend.

• During the week dates should start at 3-4 pm and during the weekend at about 6 pm. 
• The timing doesn't really matter to me, but it would be good to have the next day off
   so you can enjoy the evening without thinking about the next day
   or worry where you're going to wake up.
• Day of the week doesn't matter and 5-6 pm would be optimal.

How soon after a break-up it is civil to start dating?

• Break-ups take time, so I would wait at least a couple of weeks to get back on the saddle.
• Longer relationships take more time to forget than short ones, even months.
• You should discuss it with your ex and mutual friends if you have doubts.

• I think this varies for everyone, there is no rule to follow here.
• No permission is needed after the break-up.
   I evaluate the situation based on how long the relationship was and was the breakup hard.
  You shouldn't rub their nose in it for a while after things end badly.
• After a long relationship you should learn to be alone first.
• Right away.

Would you have sex on the first date 

and would it affect the possibility of a second date?

• I wouldn't have sex on a good first date, it might screw things up.
• I wouldn't have sex on the first date, I want to get to know the person first.
• If the chemistry was there and the sex was good,
   it wouldn't affect the possibility of a second date.
   But if the sex was bad, I might not go on a second date with him.

• I wouldn't mind it. And if you want to make sure you see them again,
   you can always leave something behind.
• I don't limit myself with boundaries made from thin air
   and if I like the girl, there is always a chance for a second date, with or without sex.
   But if the sex was good, it would make me more eager to see them again.
• I might, if the sexual tension was really strong, if not, I would wait until I knew her better.
   Sex if usually a little awkward at first
   and will get better with time and when you know what the other person is like.
   It wouldn't affect the possibility of another date.
• Only if I had known her for a longer period of time already.

Can people express their lack of interest for a second date during the first one?

• There's no need to say anything.
• You can hint it, but I wouldn't want anyone to say it straight to my face,
   especially if I would have had a good time.
• Yes, you can be honest about your feelings, but I wouldn't end a date prematurely.
   You should also try be polite.

• After the date it's good to be honest about your feelings,
   but I think you should always see the date through.
• YES. Giving people false hope is cowardly.
   I'm honest about my feelings and I'd like people to extend the courtesy.
• Yes, but people should always be considerate of the other persons feelings.

What would be the worst location for a first date?

• Church.
• Any occasion that has either person's family members there.
 Sport events.
 A movie theater.

• A funeral.
 Any place that doesn't have date-potential. It should be romantic.
• An expensive and fancy restaurant filled with people competing for money and fame.
   The date just can't go well if people have to have a certain role on from the beginning. 
• A bar or a movie theater.

That was it for the Q&A part of this post.
I think it's interesting that men had more variety than women!
But there was nothing too surprising in the answers.
Here's some conclusions that I made while listening to what these people had to say
and reading their answers:

1.  People mostly expect the first date to be inventive.
     They want the other person to put time in planning the event.
     Almost everyone seems to be bored of the basic "movie and dinner" setting.

2.  Women are surprisingly willing to pay for the whole date,
     if it was them who asked the guy out.
     Men would like to either split the bill or pay for the whole thing,
     maybe it's emasculating to let the woman pay?

3.  Some people are too busy during the week,
     but during the weekend the perfect time to start a date would be 5-6 pm.
     People want their dates to take time to get to know them.

4.  People that come out of long relationships are expected to take some time off,
     but if you only dated for a couple of weeks, feel free to jump right back in there!

5.  Most women wouldn't have sex on the first date.
     But the ones, that are willing to do the deed and dirty the sheets,
     say that the performance will have an effect, bad sex can put a woman off for good.
     Men are more forgiving and also more willing to have sex on the first date.
     I can't say I'm surprised.

6.  Most women wouldn't want to say anything or know if the date was a complete bust.
     Men on the other hand are very eager to share their feelings.
     Usually it's the complete opposite,
     so maybe this has something to do with clingy-psycho-ex-girlfriends?

7.  A first date should never take place in: a sports bar, a club, a funeral
     or any other kind of church activity, your mother's house or a movie theater.

And while there is no denying that we're all individuals with different needs, we should now be able to avoid some first date mistakes, plan a perfect date that starts at approximately 5:30 pm and split the bill without a fuss.

Now go out there and have a good time!
Let me know if you found anything surprising
and share your own thoughts about dating in the comments section below.

© Anonymous92126

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